@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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