I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
