drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize