Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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