the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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