The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
don't judge my taste in strippers
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
