As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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