...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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