I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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