dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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