They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
