your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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