Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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