if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize