Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
