yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
