phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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