He kissed a someone with a penis
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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