Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
