last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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