dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
