is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
