remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
