There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
