I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize