i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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