don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
