im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
it was like eating out sand paper
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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