Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
