I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
