I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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