i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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