My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
