Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We have started to decorate penises.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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