You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize