her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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