I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
honey bunches of taint.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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