Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
