Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
