Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
