Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
