Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
