i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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