What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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