So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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