Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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