You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
