My room smells like vodka and shame
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
