You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
