I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
