She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
