It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
