We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize