Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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