thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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