I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
This house was built for laser tag.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
