Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
