Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
True but thats because hes a fetus.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
