fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
no, he came in my armpit
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
