we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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