no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Let's get the cat blown out
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
