I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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