Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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