I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I would ride that face into the sunset
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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