It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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