I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
