I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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