I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you traded sex for a burrito?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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