If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
