He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
